Happy Holidaies 2009

Merry Christmas form Carter Bryson!

Everyone knows I'm a good guy.

But for some reason aroud this time every year I turn into a total DICK.

To whom it may be concerned. Sorry.

Love, Carter

Back from REHAB!

¡¡¡uoos ʎʇunɯɯoɔ ʇɹɐ ǝɥʇ ʇnqoɐ suoıssıɯsɐuɹʇ ɹɐlnƃǝɹ ƃuıǝʞɐɯ ʞɔɐq ǝq oʇ ǝsıɯoɹd ll,ı ˙ʇıɥsllnq ɥɔnɯ oʇ ʇɐǝ ʇuop `ǝuoʎɹǝʌǝ ƃuıʌıƃsʞuɐɥʇ ʎddɐɥ `ʎɐʍʎuɐ ʇnq ˙pǝssıd ʎǝlqɐʇns ɯɐ ı puɐ `ʇuɐɹƃ llouʞ ʎɹɐɯ ǝɥʇ ɹoɟ pǝʎuǝp uıɐƃɐ ǝɔuo sɐʍ ı ˙ʇɐɥʇ noʎ llǝʇ uɐɔ ı ǝlʇʇıl ƃuıʞɔnɟ ʎɹǝʌ ¿puɐl-uosʎɹq ɹǝʇɹɐɔ uı uo ƃuıoƃ uǝǝq sɐɥ ʇɐɥʍ ¡¡¡ʞɔns ı `ʇıɯpɐ ı `ʞo ¿sɹɐǝʎ uǝǝq ʇı sɐɥ ˙sǝɥʇuoɯ ʎuɐɯ os ɹoɟ ʇı ƃuıʇʞǝlƃǝu ɹǝʇɟɐ ƃuolqǝlqʍ sıɥʇ oʇuı ʞɔǝɥɔ ı ʇɐɥʇ ʇǝɹƃǝɹ ʇsǝdǝǝp ǝɥʇ ɥʇıʍ sı ʇı

The State of Our Culture Roundup 2007

This is a leftover from SUPPER TUESDAY.

How about that Supperbowl, anyway? It had to be the best one since Bart Starr was playing. If someone had a facemask with only one bar on it NOW, they would be my hero.

Does anyone remember Superbowl “XL”? everyone thought that meant "extra-large" when actually it was a roman numeral. Why use Roman numebals? I have no idea. What any of this has to do with Rome, I have no idea. Was that the Superbowl with that guy Ben Rosenthoffendorfenbergerheim? I now his name is something like that. Who was the other quarterback? Was that someeone like Zach Braf? I mean with a name like that? Who am I getting that mixed up with. Oh is he the guy who made a movie with his name beign something like Big Penis Bob or soemthing? Hugh Johnson, maybe that was it.

Log In/Create Account

Not really, I just wrote that for no reason. Not really for not reason, but so people would click on it and nothing would happen. Okay, a dessert falls out of the sky. What I am supposed to do about it? That's not a question. My favortoe deoderant is Dessert Essence. If they ever bring back the draft, I'm going to ehd up being a desserter. Whaere is Carter Bryson? He disappreared? He was last seen (drunk?) wandering off into the dessert.

Secret Meeting!

Meet me tonight at Rudy's Genuine Authientic Mexican Couisene (down the street from my apt.) for some tacos, some tacos grande softee, and fajitas, and free drinks on Carter Byrson in the third person who is buying no shit!

Lost and Found

I lost something at Rosie's last night, something very dear to me. If anyone has found it, please return it! (leave a message here)

I don't have to say what it is. If you found it, you'll know what I'm talking about!

Polar Bear Eating Marshmallows in a Snowstorm

All the hard work and even harder ass kissing has payed off! I've got a painting in the Milwaukee Art Museum! It's a large, long painting sittuated in the South Corridor Gallery. I'll spare you my aritist's statement-- it's something about the influence of cinemascope movies, IMAX, and a long range survalance, pixilated aesthetic, and minimalism actualy being maximalism or some such drivel. (Had to do it for the MAN.) Anyway, it's called "untitled."

I've also been particapating as part of the Gregor Schneider exhibit, as a real life model human sculpttre thing. Everyone thinks we're scluptures, these bodies laying on the ground with platstic garbage bags over our heads. But we're people-- so no kicking! (the guards wont let you!) The sculputre that I am has some ridicuous German name, but I call it "Die Carter mit Schwanz." I just have to lay there perfectly still for my 4 hour shift. Its pretty hard, but I have an Ipod and a box of apple juice, so it's ok. Oh, and if your wondering, the shwanz is actually an cucumber, ok!

Back in Action!

Hi, OK... I'm out of rehab finally, and back in acoion!!!

Hope to see you all soon at Rosies!

Please Don't Contact Me

Hi..... this is for anyone who knows me, or deosn't.

Please dont conrtact me. I am working on art. I'm tryng to get some art readdy for my new show. Please don't contact me.

best to U's, Carter

Friday Fish Fry!!!

FrEE FRidaY FiSH FrY!! !!!

Come by my art closing party at the Milwaukee Jouranl Sential building on "Old World Thirid" street right across form Pair Marguette Park and the bridge to nowhere for some free food cooked up on my purloined street grill. I'll be making a first come first served fish fry, with no extra charge for parasites!

My art show in the big widows along the east side of the Journal Sentilal building will be coming down after tonight, so it's your last chance to see it!

In her best art of the year year end blog, Mary Lynn Shoemacher summed up the year in art in Milwayukee rather nicely. She did fail, however, to mention one thing, and that was my art windows on the Jouranl Seninatl buidling. I suppose that the reason for it was that that's where she works, and it would kind of like blowing your own horn. Though I don't see too many people in the ART WOLRD hesitating to blow their own horns more FREQUENTLY if now CONSTANTLY (present compaany exluded, of course!) but then, I guess, Marylynn's in the JORUNALISM world, not the art world, per se.

WELL that's okay, it's not like I was worried about making anyone sick with subsonic music track or the use of toxic art matierals or anything, nor do I think my pieces offended anyone, though I hope they made you think.

I'll be looking forward to see what they put up there NEXT. Thanks for the Jouranl Senktal for all there support and widwow space! Special thanks to Whitney Gould for her support in the face of adversity and narrowmindedness. And a very very special thanks to the assholes who did a driveby on my art work. Your APPROVAL would have put me at the brink of desparir.

--happy new year, and best to you all!
Carter Byrson

Review of Preformance Art showcase

I wanted to show up at this thing because last year some "with-friends-like-that you-don’t-need-enemys" friends made a fake “Memeoral serivece” for me, implying that I DYED, which was very uncool. I know the internet is supposed to be really VAST and all, but you know what?-- it’s not, it’s very small, verry verry small. You start seaching for CARTER BRYSON and all your going to find is ME, and last year some relatives of mine were alta-vistaing me and found out news of my untimely demeise! This was a SCANDLE in my familily, I’ll tell you.

So anyway it was with a sence of exhilarated exctied expectation that I went to this event, thinking what’s next?--will they fake a terrorist attack? Maybe have a bomb threat and contunue the preformacce outside? Take everyone outside to where that brigde is out (for good, I guess) and down to the river and a revival meeting complete with baptims and shit?

Well, just getting in the thearter was a performance. I went to the box office on water street (like the ad said to) to buy a ticket, and got into this line for several other theater things apparently, and the line just DID NOT MOVE, and I'm talking for fifteen minutes for real. Like some tragedy was occouring at the point where they take money, and I don't think it was running out of pennys. Most likely the CREDIT CARD machine broke or somehting. Everyone looked confused. Finally I asked a dude if we could buy tickets at the actual theater, he said yes, and gave me direcetions. Now I know I could have just gone outside and around, but I thought this must be a shortcut. It wasn't. It was a NIGHTMARE! Down one coridor, then another, lost, asking directions, up stairs, up more stairs, thorough a door. So many people got lost doing this that we ended up being a group together, all trying to get to THE FLY. I felt like I was in THE POSEIDEN ADVENTURE actually, toltally lost, not knowing if we were supposed to go up or down. Finally we all came to a big elevator got on, and I thought someone said fouth floor so I pressed the up button, but then another guy got on and he knew that we were going to ONE. He was like the GEne Hackman character, saying the ship is upside down! You have to go to the BOTTOM of the ship to get out! Totally logical, but still, it's confusing when you're in an upsidedown oceanliner sinking in the middle of the ocean. But see, that's not at all where we were. We were just trying to get to the theater. Finally we got to the entrance, and they are using a manual credit card machine and have to write down the numbers by hand, and you know how rich people use thier credit card at Starbucks and parking garages and for buying a newspaper, so it's taking forever. Finally though, I get IN! Coverered with sweat, totlally stresses out! Perhaps I am in the RIGHT MOOD for this event!

So it started, and this guy is talking about septenmber 11 and all, and so I’m thinking, get ready for the bomb sirerns! But then I noticed—he’s not wearing shoees. And then all these women start coming out and dancing all aournd in weird ways that your body shouldn’t be able to go. And THYERE not wearing shoes, and then I think, OK, I get it, it’s MODERN DANCE. And I think—I’m in for a long everning. Modern dance! Shit! None of them have shoes, no one in this thing has had shoes yet. I’m glad that I sat in the back, after all-- which I did because I was trying to stay undercover, becaue last year they put a big picture of me on the stage for the whole thing, like I was dead!

The best part was a guy who came out wearing a huge fly head costume, this big giant fly head that looked like the one in that moive, “the Fly” and he sang songs, really, nice, and was wearing what looked like an old preacher suit, and the even best thing of all, he was wearing shoes!

At the intermission there was a bar set up downstairs with liquur and soda, and just the look of the whole thing turned my stomach. The bathroom was filled with men actuing literally more weirdly than the two guys, dressed in old suits, one with a noose around his neck, doing a sideshow downstairs... anything for “a dollar.” Clearly waiting for someone to request a hanging, though the bait swam free.

The second part started with a shadow puppet show, which really looked good, but plotwise consitsted of flys beating the shit out of each other over litteral shit, which represented real estate. Dumb, but not so differnt from humans, and I guess that was the point.

Then there was more solliiqys and speeches to the gods and such, and some more dance. One woman was really going all out, and I was looking forward to seeing up her dress or something as the flowing costume sailed around, but then you could see that she was wearing bicyle pants which kind of ruined the whole effect. I really think someone should tell dancers, more shoes and less bicycle pants, okay? I know it’s not supposed to be a sex show, but bicycle pants? I hate seeing those, on bicylers as well as anyone else!

Okay, then the whole thing ended abruptly with Slim Pickens riding the H-bomb down on some target in the USSR which totally meant nuclear destruction of the world. That’s how everything ends, it seems, movies, plays, books, performances, and my dreams.

One hunderd and thiryeight thoussand dollars

This is some art of mine that would have fit right in at that interrnational art faire! Maybe next year Ill have something at some gallary... if they do this thing next year? Are they I sure hope so! The probleom is that some assholes started a rumoor that I was dead so everytime I try to get something in a gallary everyone laughs at me, and says, "yeah, right."

International Art Fair

I went to the International Art Fair at the Polish Falcons Nest Hall This Weekend, and it was really exciting overall, I like that bar, and I'd hang out there more if there wern't so many watering holes right in my neighbroood. The highlights were the Green Gallery thing where you stood on this pedastal and put your head up through a hole and it's like you'r head is in a little art gallery, complete with a disticktuve smell. It's like if they made one of those car air fresheners that was called "gallery smell."

Then there was John Gavin's Enterprise, from New York I suppose, I guess named after the Actor John Gavin who was in competitin to play KIRK on Star Trek but lost out to Shatner, and then went on to be in the suckass TV shot Convoy. It's fun to imagine a world with John Gavin as Kirk! Well, this gallery consisted of three hipster guys sitting around looking bored eating buritos while one of them made noodly wanky noises with guitar effcets boxes and an amp.

Okay, there was way to much stuff to talk aboutit all, I should include pictures, but this blogger picture thing isn't working today. What do you want for free? At least the spellcheck is working! (Someone suggested, not very kindly, that I use spellcheck). Was there raw meat hanging from a hook, or was I jsut imaging that? I mean, my memory of the whole thing is kind of confused now. A lot of it was good, but then there was the art that looked like it took someone about four mintues to pull off. With cheap materials, no less.

It kind of reminmded me of the stuff I did in college, at Madison, when I lived in Sellery Hall. I would get pizzas from Pizza Extreme pretty regularly and then I'd cut off the box lid and just hang them on the wall, in whatever wilted, stained, fucked up condition they were in. I called it art, and it was cool becuase it even made some people, the dumb ones, mad. Most people just kind of ignored me, though. I wish they were all at this art fair, so I could point out some ratty old poster with chewing gum stuck on it, and then explain that this stuff sells in New York for like 65 thoussand dollars! I don't knowm, they probably still wouldn't give me no respect.

Gallery Night

I noticed that Mary Lousce Shoemacher with the Jornal Sentenl Failed to mentioned my ART SHOw in the eight windows on the very side of the Jorunal Senal BUILDING, but I suspect that there is POLICTICS involved. THrere were a lot of people who wanted this SITE for their art. Ok, maybe I shold have waited until GALLRY NIGHT to put up my show, and not WEEKS AGO, but I was jusst really ecitind about it, so I did it. THere is too much going on on this FRIDAY night anyway, but anyway It's going to be my OFFICAIL operning, so comeby for FREE indian food. I'm going to we working a tradional street vedor cart out there with food that I have LIBERATED from the Jewel of INDIA restaunt dumpter next door. DOn't worry, I'll only take the good stuff. ANd it'll be free! ALL night or until the cops close me down!

Another projcet I have is to put RED BALLOONS at certain art sites, gallerys, openings, and parties throughout the city at the coolest and BEST art spots ONLY!!! THis is the Carter BRyson red balloon seel of APPROVAL, so look for the red ballooons! And don't waste your time at any of the other lame ass poser loser art event with painting of sailboats and grandchildren and shit. I just realzied HOW HAPPY I am not to see those fucking BEASTIEs!!!! Thank GOD for litttle things like that, right! Oh, and after everything else, come on over and meet me and the after hours crowd for a private party at BUSHWACKERS on water street, I'll be in the VIP room no doubt, and when that shuts down I'm haveing a little party at my place inthe Water Street apts. over the water steet brewery for an aftrer after party and aftr that antoher one for those only with TRUE GRIT. hope too see you all their! Carter

(none)

I'm out of jail!

A Plea To The Community

I went by my instillation this weekend (for you who havn’t seen it yet, it'll be up until Gallary Night later this month. Its in the eight large picture windows on the east side the Jouranal Sentetial building on 3rd Street in Milwaukee, a block away from where the bridege is out!) and was shocked to see a couple of fresh bullet holes in the glass! This is supposd to be a town that SUPPORTS the arts, but I dont know that youd call shooting at it soupporting it. Maybe that’s why they made those wings on the Art Museum close, so it’ll protect the museum from gunshots!

Next to one of the bullet holes was a lot of dried blood, on the sidewalk and splatterd on the window even. It looked like someone was EXECUTED in front of it! I find this entirley inappropteate. You woudnt execute someone in front of the MONA LISA would you? Well… maybe you would. But anyway, people of Milwakee, PLEASE stop shooting at my art! Just because you might not understand it, or not like it, thats no reason to SHOOT at it!!!

mojitos with carter

Hey everyonby come by the Water StreetBerwery tonoght after the US open woman's final match at ten or so and celibrate my artshow, and maybe well ever march over the pedestran bridge over to the JS bldg and hoot and hollar in my honor or somethig after druninking a few MOJITOS whioch is my favorite driink lately after that Miami Vice movie becasue of whne ethen hawk says, "Ive got a powerful thurst for mojitos." I just LOVED that! Oh yeah, and taling abot miami vice, my other vice is the WEISS beer here at that WSB, partly because its right downstares from where I live, as you know, and I wake up in the mornign to the smwll of fementaion! (or is that just my old sockes?) Anyuway I was here lsat night talkign to this hot chick (forgot yourname, baby, sorry)and she shaid I liek the rassbaerry wiess beer but like with the W, like the notere dame coach, and I said oh, yeah, so do I, like it really goes well with MRS. WEIESS's NOODLES, you knjow? and of course she didt even get the joke or laught or anyuthig, she being to young even to remember MRs. Weisses noodle. They let some real YOUNG KIDS in the bars these days! So anyways, yeah, come down to the bar and say HI, I'll be the only guy there whose not a total ASSFACE.

lunchbreak!

art opening continues!!!

Deaf Barfly

What’s that mean? Deaf Barfly? Well, I’m lving at the Water Street Apaertments about the Wather Street Brewrey—it’s a great old apartremt building—four floors, well three above the bar—in the heart of the best place in Milwauykee to meet people of the opposite sex and throw up with later and have sex. But its undowbtedly the loudest spot in all Milwaukee at least late at night on weekend nights which mieans wendesady thur Saturday or Sunday if theirs a Packers game or Monday if the Packers are on Monday night.

My exgirlfridn said when I mmoved in here, that the only person who could possibly live above one of these Wather street bars would be a deaf barfly. That cracked me up—it sounded like a rap name or something, like Def-Fly, so I decided to name my blog name Deaf Barfly, though lest me rest assure you that I’m neither.

I used to live over on Holten near the Luckystar gallery, when it was there. Someone told me Holton was the next Brady street, so Id beter get in there soon=-- but Luckystar moved not long after to the 3rd ward and it turns out that Holton is like Milwuakwee’s crack miracle mile. Actully it turns out that MLK is the new up and coming street, not Holton. There’s a Ponderosa steakhouse on MLK. Shrimp stampede!

So far, though, my new place is far scarier than anywhere I’ve lived before, but I’m hoping that once school starts uup again it’ll get a little quiter since the students will be busy studying. Im just kidding. Anyway, at least I have the internet here, and now this blog, but can someone telll me how to turn off “safe search”?? I’ll describe my plaace later, and the bars, and my advantures!

Thanks!

Thank you to all of you who ressponed so positivly to my art show that went on disply yesterday! The response has been exeptional! Please, if you have the time, let the Journal Sential know that you like it, and that you would like to see it kept up. Thanks for your help, everyone involdved, and specal thanks to Whitney Gould!
--carter

canoli

check out my art opening or B square

Art opening!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Press release: for immediate release

What?

The EIGHT --or-- Carter Bryson's Trashcan shcool

Check out my art show!

wheere?

The eight disapy windows on the east side of the Journal sentinal buiding on Old World Third street (or 3rd street to some of you, and MLK to some of you) -- Right across from Pierre Marquete park!

When?

RIGHT NOW!

how long?

until they pull the plug!