Review of Preformance Art showcase

I wanted to show up at this thing because last year some "with-friends-like-that you-don’t-need-enemys" friends made a fake “Memeoral serivece” for me, implying that I DYED, which was very uncool. I know the internet is supposed to be really VAST and all, but you know what?-- it’s not, it’s very small, verry verry small. You start seaching for CARTER BRYSON and all your going to find is ME, and last year some relatives of mine were alta-vistaing me and found out news of my untimely demeise! This was a SCANDLE in my familily, I’ll tell you.

So anyway it was with a sence of exhilarated exctied expectation that I went to this event, thinking what’s next?--will they fake a terrorist attack? Maybe have a bomb threat and contunue the preformacce outside? Take everyone outside to where that brigde is out (for good, I guess) and down to the river and a revival meeting complete with baptims and shit?

Well, just getting in the thearter was a performance. I went to the box office on water street (like the ad said to) to buy a ticket, and got into this line for several other theater things apparently, and the line just DID NOT MOVE, and I'm talking for fifteen minutes for real. Like some tragedy was occouring at the point where they take money, and I don't think it was running out of pennys. Most likely the CREDIT CARD machine broke or somehting. Everyone looked confused. Finally I asked a dude if we could buy tickets at the actual theater, he said yes, and gave me direcetions. Now I know I could have just gone outside and around, but I thought this must be a shortcut. It wasn't. It was a NIGHTMARE! Down one coridor, then another, lost, asking directions, up stairs, up more stairs, thorough a door. So many people got lost doing this that we ended up being a group together, all trying to get to THE FLY. I felt like I was in THE POSEIDEN ADVENTURE actually, toltally lost, not knowing if we were supposed to go up or down. Finally we all came to a big elevator got on, and I thought someone said fouth floor so I pressed the up button, but then another guy got on and he knew that we were going to ONE. He was like the GEne Hackman character, saying the ship is upside down! You have to go to the BOTTOM of the ship to get out! Totally logical, but still, it's confusing when you're in an upsidedown oceanliner sinking in the middle of the ocean. But see, that's not at all where we were. We were just trying to get to the theater. Finally we got to the entrance, and they are using a manual credit card machine and have to write down the numbers by hand, and you know how rich people use thier credit card at Starbucks and parking garages and for buying a newspaper, so it's taking forever. Finally though, I get IN! Coverered with sweat, totlally stresses out! Perhaps I am in the RIGHT MOOD for this event!

So it started, and this guy is talking about septenmber 11 and all, and so I’m thinking, get ready for the bomb sirerns! But then I noticed—he’s not wearing shoees. And then all these women start coming out and dancing all aournd in weird ways that your body shouldn’t be able to go. And THYERE not wearing shoes, and then I think, OK, I get it, it’s MODERN DANCE. And I think—I’m in for a long everning. Modern dance! Shit! None of them have shoes, no one in this thing has had shoes yet. I’m glad that I sat in the back, after all-- which I did because I was trying to stay undercover, becaue last year they put a big picture of me on the stage for the whole thing, like I was dead!

The best part was a guy who came out wearing a huge fly head costume, this big giant fly head that looked like the one in that moive, “the Fly” and he sang songs, really, nice, and was wearing what looked like an old preacher suit, and the even best thing of all, he was wearing shoes!

At the intermission there was a bar set up downstairs with liquur and soda, and just the look of the whole thing turned my stomach. The bathroom was filled with men actuing literally more weirdly than the two guys, dressed in old suits, one with a noose around his neck, doing a sideshow downstairs... anything for “a dollar.” Clearly waiting for someone to request a hanging, though the bait swam free.

The second part started with a shadow puppet show, which really looked good, but plotwise consitsted of flys beating the shit out of each other over litteral shit, which represented real estate. Dumb, but not so differnt from humans, and I guess that was the point.

Then there was more solliiqys and speeches to the gods and such, and some more dance. One woman was really going all out, and I was looking forward to seeing up her dress or something as the flowing costume sailed around, but then you could see that she was wearing bicyle pants which kind of ruined the whole effect. I really think someone should tell dancers, more shoes and less bicycle pants, okay? I know it’s not supposed to be a sex show, but bicycle pants? I hate seeing those, on bicylers as well as anyone else!

Okay, then the whole thing ended abruptly with Slim Pickens riding the H-bomb down on some target in the USSR which totally meant nuclear destruction of the world. That’s how everything ends, it seems, movies, plays, books, performances, and my dreams.